Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

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The LaBeouf Hack

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Indiana Jones IV ain't half as bad as many feared it would be, and ain't half as good as an even wider audience hoped it would turn out as. Indy inventor George Lucas is at large herein indeed, giving us the action packed board game adventure-run even the previous, serious Indy movies are famous of and loved for. Indy IV is not as serious of a movie than the first three, though. Not in the sense that it fails to deliver drama and tension, in fact, does not even aspire to do that. Satisfies with the character of a risk free family adventure. I already tend to see the everyday average generic Indiana Jones geek in front of my fine tuned - ye bet - third eye: naturally, the everyday average generic Indiana Jones geek has a better understanding of the character than George Lucas does, and you can bet your future, your fortune or both (if you HAVE both) that the average everyday generic Indiana Jones geek LOATHES this movie, and loathes it - this is the case, sorry - on a highly rigorous, scientific basis. Then when you close your third eye - suddenly it turns out that the geek was: YOU.

Thus I must call myself an Indy geek in this regard, since, as hinted, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull lacks all proper drama and proper tension indeed, elements that are extremely strong and superpresent in the previous movies. Just take the first, longer jungle sketch Raiders of the Lost Ark starts off with. I think we can easily say that absolutely every single frame of that sketch is a timeless classic, and I refuse to admit or even think that this is caused by some nostalgia or some similar, trite redundancies. No, no and a triple no: nonono! That is good because Lucas had excellent concepts and superb ideas to tell those via a fluent narrative structure. The film knew it, and thus, the audience knew that, too - because they saw and recognized these elements with keen acceptance and related delight.

In a sober reality, - HAH! - I think it remains safe to say that the new Indy will give semi-acceptable time for both the open minded and the popcorn zombie audience, by which I mean an approach that does not necessarily expects wonders but ends up satisfied if it finds itself surprised on a few occasions. Beside all that, though: expect as lightweight caliber of entertainment from Indy IV which might as well leave you to wonder if it really happened at all.

Though George Lucas informed the audience that he is absolutely aware of how a portion of the hardened Indy fans will end up being totally dissatisfied with, or even enraged at the movie, he quite sympathetically states that he and good old sandbox buddy/director Steven Spielberg do the Indy sequel for fun. I think this is fair enough, and let me tell you this: for this agenda, they live up to in a somewhat decent manner. Yet, I would add that in the ideal parallel universe, Lucas would revive Indy because he has yet another tale to tell about him, and not because his creator wants to have fun. But hey, being honest and not projecting stuff about the amazing content hiding behind Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is certainly an act that would never happen in the worst universe, so no point in being pessimistic.

What I found harder to accept though is that it seems to me as Lucas would have temporarily lost his interest of forming tension and suspense. Sure, I realize that these are qualities you normally associate - falsely, by the way - with the horror genre, yet I can't resist to draw your attention back to the previous installments. Those movies have a thorough and essential understanding and relation of- and to- suspense and tension. On the contrary: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a pretty much risk free adventure run for the whole family in which everybody is quite happy and thoroughly cared for.

The structure is very easy to see through this time around, so let's take it apart via reverse engineering. What you get is basically a matrix of car chases that do follow sequences in which Indy deciphers information from objects worth chasing for. Now, that Indy even has the info, the chase is an evident MUST to conduct and commit if you are the Main Baddie character. As for the fourth episode, the highest stake of the game is the Crystal Skull, and primal seeker of it is Cate Blanchett. She looks absolutely OK for a woman you don't necessarily want to play the "Oh Please Tie Me To The Bed Please!" game with, even better, Blanchett delivers a highly acceptable performance supported by some - that equals: two - solid lines and subtle meta communication.



The global buildup is outlined precisely after like 15 minutes into the movie, by this period you are free to form your hideous assumption that the massively chase related narrative-loop you have been just subjected to will haunt/please you for yet another five or six occasions before the movie could reach it's conclusion. A conclusion which surely gives the decent leg shake and decent scream factor for the conservative Indy veteran, yet, I personally failed to end up being enraged at it. Quite the contrary: I have nothing against the ending of the narrative itself, what frightens me considerably though is the actual ending, which we will touch upon later.

As for this particular narrative-loop, I do refer to the hinted elements Indy 4 primarily relies on: a brief period of inventive peace and brainstorming is usually shown, though supported mostly by trite, boring, tasteless dialog between the protagonists. Not always, though: Lucas must have had start to take some pills or just happened to stop taking some others, as he could come up with some very amusing situations and dialogs, such is the intense debate taking place between all the actors whom are tied down and packed into a truck, rolling to parts probably best if never known. The sketch is very original and properly humorous in my opinion, a brief yet quite intense period in which Lucas shows that he has masterful skills both to spot and to clearly reveal fruity contents and pure potential of a setup. This is what I miss from his recent works, yet it seems to solidify a personal suspicion of mine. My suspicion is this: Lucas still can tell a tale very fluently if he HAS a tale to tell. But sometimes he tells one though he does not really have one.



By the diversity of the settings, scenery and the obstacles the protagonists must chase each other in- and between, Indy IV delivers acceptable flamboyancy with certain, though sometimes limited capacity to surprise the audience. There Will Be Blood and moments in which Lucas's intention to administer surprise overkills itself and ends up being utterly laughable, though. The fencing scene with jeeps in it is the worst narrative sedative I ever witnessed at work to date. And I would be pretty happy if I could be left knowing that it CAN NOT GET MUCH MORE painful than that. Oh, if you are an Indy veteran, you will love, you will worship the fencing scene with jeeps in it. Just remember and recite ruthlessly: I am an Indy veteran! Then: reconsider.

In my opinion, Harrison Ford looks stable, intact and believable as a late Indiana Jones, even Lucas kept his horses under control and offers but a few references and semi-clumsy jokes relating to the well developed age of the protagonist. You see, this little delight is the core of the main problem, as well. So let me be pessimistic a bit, just for flamboyancy and FOR FUN. Why offer silly jokes about an elder Indiana Jones who established himself timeless within his previous tales, and looks and acts as cool in them as an adventurer could EVER hope for? Lucas delivered the answer: for fun. This is totally acceptable of course, because it does not take away from the greatness of the trilogy, mind you I. But let me ask you - and YOU, George! - what does it ADD to the trilogy?

At least, there are some OK jokes and ideas to exploit Indy's age. Not too many. Two comes to my mind, yet only one is very good. The other is bad, actually. I particularly liked the first stunt with the trademark whip.

Via it's narrative, let alone the conclusion, Indy IV offers a rather stable premise about the coming availability of future Indy projects, thus, a sidekick is inevitable this time around, sometimes making you wonder if Harrison Ford is the actual main character of the movie at all.



Dreaming is nice, making dreams a reality is even nicer, yet concluding them for eternity, never to touch upon them again is not necessarily a must, I think. As noted, I I totally respect Lucas's honesty when he voices that they revive Indy for fun. Especially since I do not consider Indy IV a tremendous failure, expect for

Shia LaBeouf, the Indiana Jones Hack

One gets the impression that Lucas now considers Indiana Jones for a popcorn zombie environment. In this regard, Indy IV is a transitional movie in which the old Indy is paired by/stuck with this mildly annoying sidekick, a supportive role that might be a gravitational role in the "Indy movies" to come. So, in case you are a grouchy individual or hardened Indy fan OR both, then you could easily say that Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is but an excuse of a movie to introduce the Next Gen Indiana Jones. Thus: enter The Shia LaBeouf, FEAR The Shia LaBeouf!

Not as much as you Fear The Matthew Fox of course, but be aware, nevertheless. I must say that I am not completely blown away by LaBeouf's skill set, but I was totally OK with him in Transformers. As of today, I think Shia LaBeouf is suitable to give you sidekicks, early 20s and quasi-losers, a decent partner to Michael Angarano who sucks amazingly in Forbidden Kingdom. Well, I think, LaBeouf is similarly an EMO, a sucker-archetype. I realize it's sort of harsh to voice opinions like this about real people, but don't forget that they are not "just real people", they are people for- and of entertainment. And let me tell you this: it is definitely giving me the twitch at mouth corners when I see Shia "Who The Pink Hell In Heaven Is This Slim Punk??" LaBeouf intimidating Indiana Jones. I don't know if you are with me here. There are sequences in Indy IV in which Shia LaBeouf's character intimidates Indiana Jones. What a laugh, and what a bitter of it! This is unacceptable, Lucas, get real!



Good Old Family Fun

I do not know where LaBeouf keeps his Guardian Angels and his supporters, but he must have pretty influential ones of those, as he is definitely not as good as to be the next Indiana Jones, and the most terrible, terrrrible thing to encounter in Indy IV is exactly this, nevertheless. Yes, there is a 99,9% probability that Shia LaBeouf will be the next Indiana Jones. A NEXT Indiana Jones for a NEXT audience, I would think.

Will probably come to you as an implausible surprise that there were some quite harsh criticisms addressed towards Lucas relating his recent works, including this Indy output and his Star Wars prequels. The most humorous dialog I have seen to date as far as this matter goes took place between two immensely disappointed Indy fans on imdb.

"- Lucas needs to retire in GRACE!"
"- Too late!"

I think Lucas and Spielberg delivered acceptably for a family friendly environment, yet this movie lacks pretty much all kinds of charms and qualities the hardened fans would prefer to sink their teeth into. What nonsense, though. Let us notice that Lucas and Spielberg told absolutely everything worth telling about the "proper", the "serious" Indiana Jones and he reigns timeless and immaculate, thanks to Harrison Ford's irreplaceable performance and personal charisma.

Thus, I think you couldn't possible anticipate much more and much different beyond what Kingdom of the Crystal Skull offers, considering that the installment is targeted for a superwide spectrum of an audience as far as the age palette of the viewers goes. Apart from Shia Senselessly Overrated Transformers 2 and I WIll Be Indy, Too! Labeouf and the plain, gruesomely masterful suggestion that he might be the new Indy, - the suggestion is indeed implemented masterfully and very unpleasant to watch for me - Indy IV weights in as risk-free entertainment for the whole family, coming towards you on the board game adventure register, giving you either but occasional periods to think about the things you need to do by the day yet, or just one, sticky, persistent period of the exact same quality.



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