Speed Racer

Out of Proportions

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Tatsuo Yoshida's Mach GoGoGo was (and in fact, still is) a great, even notorious anime series which started to air in 1967, claiming stunning popularity for dirty, fictional automobile competition and related role models for the whole family both in Japan and in the US. West Germany banned the series after three episodes back in 1971, claiming the violence it was depicting might compromise the values of a civilized society.

In the late '60s and early '70s, Speed Racer - that was the translated title used to market the series outside of Japan, as smarter readers might have figured it out even on their own, accept me humble congratulations - surely must have revealed as a violent, vivid experience indeed, as those races were very dirty, and could easily be misinterpreted. The very concept of harassing each other with high-tech assault equipment and various booby traps ready to set off on the rivals while all participants happen to sit in vehicles with the same finish line in focus DOES originate from Yoshida's work, something we can see in zillions of inspired works these days, even outside the field of entertainment concerning competitive events. Sounds neat 'nuff yet? According to the Wachowski Borthers, it is not only neat but quite suitable for a Hollywood style motion picture adaptation. So that is what they do deliver, for no less than 120 minutes characterized by burning rubber.

Warning! Warning! The film has hideous actor The Matthew Fox in it, truly, I did not have any idea about this, so a bit lackadaisical I do end up as, having to voice my opinion again of how terrible of an actor Matthew Fox is. No problem though, he has little canvas time in this movie, though surely, he never could have little 'nuff of that.

Frankly, Speed Racer is a quite terrible movie aimed for a family friendly environment, even better: an environment which happens to be filled by popcornterrorist micro communities, naturally, fluently compatible with family friendly outputs, themselves. Ahhah! Movie theaters? Notice how all sounds neat and nice so far, as what possibly could be the problem with a family friendly output solely made for entertainment? Absolutely nothing. Yet Speed Racer abuses the mere genre it tries to enrich.



The length of the movie is immensely tiresome, I tend to think that the directors have lost pretty much all sense of sober relations to the narrative language and proportions they had to count and work with herein. Picture you are an 8 or 10 year old kid. No way in hell Speed Racer will deliver you fluent, flamboyant fun all the while. As hypothetic child, let alone adult, you will grow evidently bored during the amazingly shallow dialog sequences and/or video clip editing, finally you are quite likely to exhibit an inner suspicion sooner or later that the race sequences that you'll eventually get to witness ain't that nicely introduced or realized at all to keep a sitorgan stationary for 120 horrendous minutes.

The buildup is inept, and ineptly intimidating as well, this being, in my opinion, pretty much the worst a movie with similar aspirations and agendas might end up as. At it's soul, this is a very easygoing and very lightweight affair with a wild, romantic appeal. But - HELL! It actually takes itself MAD SERIOUSLY, which suits as good for it as a fake tan for a mummy.



- Is this a screenshot from Speed Racer?
- Nope, just spilled my salad mixture.

Let me elaborate: it is immensely inept, as the movie takes it's audience stupid enough that the masses of spectators of races are must to be shown for time to time, giving you hints what kind of emotions you are to circulate at the given moment, in case you would miss the correct interpretation of what was going on in that flashy, 5-6 seconds of racing sequence you just happened (or thought you have had chance) to witness. You will see cheering fans and commentators, then worrying fans and commentators. Finally, you are to consume your very next dose of fleshy car racing videogame fix, just to end up at some entirely surficial, shallow dialog about family values and personal determination. You know, the usual "This is MY life dad, you have to UNDERSTAND, and please HUG ME!" direction is keenly presented, add a little, frankly, quite annoying chocolate molester twerp to it - younger brother of the protagonist Speed Racer - who tries to debate honest laughs out of you, but the poor child's intentions are so clear that it would be something like a mental rape if you would submit to him and laugh on the bleheh! faces and calculated productions he harasses consensus with. Sorry twerpy, I feel you, but you won't get MY laughs. Not THIS time.



-ONE more goddamn color and I'll PUKE!
- Ye, but not to me belly this time, OK??

These attractions and funny faces he makes were surely worked on real life family members flawlessly, but sorry, I tend to wonder instead how come a 10-12 year old could possess a face which already started to submit to gravity?? All in all, the monkey was better. Once you have seen the film, this harsh statement will fall into place firmly. I admit I laughed at the channel switching sequence, though. I am pretty sure you will, too. Let me ask you this: wouldn't you agree that this particular sequence is more humorous/efficient than the sum of all the rest the younger brother delivers apart from this scene?

It is not accidental that I accounted on the little guy. Apart from the abruptly presented race sequences the film delivers, he is pretty much the main attraction of the movie. Races themselves give you little more - if it's more, at all - than the experience you get from a racing game, even from a trailer to popularize such a product. What is slightly more worse than that is that race segments are simply: Not. That. Good. I realize how this sounds as a statement forged from bad intentions, yet I assure you: the ensuing situation when we look into the matter more deeply, is way worse than the surface was.



Visually speaking, race segments are not bad, yet could have had way more aspirations in my opinion to go for the '60s feel to deliver retro. It is very hard to understand how come the film is lacking all sorts of catchy melodies/focal themes for example. This adaptation has nothing much to tell, not via the races, not via other presentational channels. But let us draw our attention to the focal problem: races have no stake, no character, no goddamn soul herein. No goddamn weight, no goddamn meaning to them either, Angy God Forbid my harsh language here. I do think that my statement and related notions are sorrowfully solidified by the elements I just accounted on, I refer back to he constant depiction of the audience's and the commentator's reactions - as, once you see the race for more than 7 seconds, it grows very obvious that the creators had no intention to do anything significant with the nice CG sets they built up. Some car will be rammed off, some other will get some tires popped and drift away, and so on and so forth. Nothing, absolutely nothing of the taste, of the nature of competition is revealed herein. No tension on the track, in the audience, in the cockpit. Just determined eyeballs in determined helmets. What a laugh, and what a bitter of it!



Speed Racer is a movie driven by weightless agendas and stale sketchbook performances, hoping to wrap up handicaps with all the colours a mind can conceive and perceive. The protagonist is simply stated to be the bestest pilot around, so he proves this, and his family does cheer, and you should too, because they get shown to you cheering, and so you should join. And share their joy. Then rewind and share again. Surely, a classic racing movie could be able to do that. The complete lack of the ability to summon such a honest mood is what places Speed Racer on the exact opposite pole of this imaginary scale, though. At the End Sequence, the directors actually warn you - through the little twerp and monkey - that Happy End will be unleashed on you with so high volume that you are better to be prepared. There is nothing more sad than pointing out where you placed a punchline in a joke and how exactly it is humorous, wouldn't you agree?

As we accounted on, the film rolls for a vastly tiresome length of 120 massive minutes, this buildup is established by one focal conflict which at least is strictly presented and weights in as acceptable, yet, unfortunately even this won't add too much to the final results in the long run(s).
Do not worry, I won't spoil your enjoyment, yet let me wrap this up with a notion that will get you interested, hopefully. The most staggering thing in Speed Racer, is this: it is actually The Matthew Fox who speaks the ONLY thought worth remembering from this movie.



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